


Growing Pains, Part I

by LiberalPartyInMyPants



Series: The Josh and Donna Moments We All Wish We Had [3]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Background Josh Lyman/Donna Moss, F/M, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28612233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiberalPartyInMyPants/pseuds/LiberalPartyInMyPants
Summary: Takes place during Season 7, Episode 18, "Requiem""They were grown adults in their 30s and 40s and had known, loved, and trusted one another for a decade. While the emotional and logistical aspects of their relationship deserved attention, right now she was content with letting the physical aspect dominate."
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Series: The Josh and Donna Moments We All Wish We Had [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068848
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**11/6/2006, the Day After, 12:00 p.m.**   
**Houston, TX**

He attempted to pull himself into consciousness, but it was as if a heavy fog had settled around them. The room was dark and frankly, he felt like he had been hit by a truck. He was curled tightly into the fetal position and Donna was spooned around him, shielding his body as if she were trying to protect him from the outside world. He heard his phone repeatedly buzzing from his pants pocket on the other side of the room, and it all came hurtling back. They had won the election. Waking up with Donna was something he did now. Leo was dead.

He knew they had gone to bed at an ungodly hour, after getting basically no sleep in the few days prior, but he couldn’t help but feel more than a little panicked about what he may have missed so far today. What time was it anyway? He turned himself over so that he could face Donna. He knew the second he looked at the clock, he would have to get going, but until then he needed to be in the safety of their bubble. Her eyes were open, and she gave him a small smile, stroking his cheek lightly. “Good morning” she whispered. “I’m not sure it’s morning anymore” he replied as he became acutely aware of the pit in his stomach.

He allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of Donna’s body so close to his and her fingers tenderly stroking his face. He tentatively kissed her, and she immediately reciprocated, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing tightly. He could tell she was trying to pour all of her love and support and grief and sympathy and so many other unspoken things into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and return, tried to tell her that he loved her but was handicapped by grief and in shock about the election. He wanted to tell her that he might need some time to get it together, but he really wanted to be with her. He wanted her to wait for him. He wanted her to be patient with him. He wanted to scream and cry and shout and celebrate and rage and rejoice. He wanted _her_.

His emotions were shifting so rapidly that he was on the verge of mental collapse, so he breathed deeply into her mouth and forced himself to focus himself on something tangible. When he would get like this in the past, Stanley would tell him to put his back against a wall or hold on to his desk. Apparently he needed something solid to anchor him to reality from time to time. Donna’s body was as real as it got for him so in this moment, he held on to her. He inhaled her scent and stared deeply into her eyes. He listened for her sighs and moans and tasted her morning breath. He touched her all over, focusing on the heat from her skin and the way their bodies felt pressed against one another.

He knew it was weird, what may have seemed like foreplay to some was actually him trying to maintain control of his mental health. He didn’t dwell too long on the implications of Donna being his main source of sanity. He was starting to feel more human the longer he spent in her arms. He was starting to feel more like a _man_ , as evidenced by his full erection. He kicked his boxers off and tried to pull her panties down without pulling out of their locked position. She took the hint and quickly got out of her bra and underwear and returned immediately to their position. She seemed to understand that he needed to feel as much of her as possible against his body. Stanley had explained to her how Josh needed an anchor sometimes.

He reached down between them and slowly explored her folds as he kissed her neck and chest. She was completely soaked already, and he groaned as he spread her slickness all over her labia and vulva, preparing her for him. She held onto him and without allowing any space to come between them, spread her legs a little to give him easier access and to let him know he should keep going. He inserted one finger and then two into her while constantly circling her clit with his thumb. He had his other arm around her shoulders, and she leaned all the way into him, whimpering and shaking as he quickly brought her to climax.

He would have like to spend more time on her and he knew he was being selfish, but he needed to be closer to her. He was in a free fall and she was the only thing that could save him. They clutched desperately to one another and she threw her leg over his hip, so that his shaft was pressing gently into her opening. Together, they wiggled and maneuvered until he was all the way inside her. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulders and neck, keeping her face pressed against his. His other arm was low around her hip, with his hand tightly clutching one of her ass cheeks, the tip of his fingers grazing and dipping into her asshole.

They were frantically thrusting against one another, so entwined that it actually was impossible to tell where one began and the other ended. She was raking her nails into his back and biting his shoulder to keep from screaming aloud the way she wanted to. There was something so raw about the way they were connected right now that if it had been anyone but Josh, she might have been frightened at the animalistic feeling that was coming over her. He followed her cues and fucked her harder until they were both sweating and panting and desperate for release.

“Look at me Josh,” she panted, “don’t you dare stop.” He stared into her eyes, just millimeters from his own and he was certain, just as clouded with desire. They grinded into each other several more times before they both came hard and tumbled back down to Earth. They remained locked in their position as they worked on bringing their heart rates down. His rapidly deflating erection remained in her as his semen trickled out onto her thighs and the bed. They were both sweaty and slightly shocked at the intensity of what they had just experienced.

Slowly, they began the painful process of disentangling from one another. First she unwrapped her leg and then he let go of her ass, realizing that part of his finger was in her. They kissed once more before he pulled out of her fully and they both rolled onto their backs. For the first time that day, he looked at the clock and blanched when he saw it said 12:48 PM. Once their breathing slowed down, they could hear both of their phones buzzing relentlessly. He turned his head and saw that she looked just as annoyed as he felt about having to leave the bed and face the real world, but they would do what they had to. Together.


	2. Chapter 2

**11/6/2006, the Day After, 1:00 p.m.**   
**Houston, TX**

She was fully aware of his mental state when she woke several minutes before him. When he turned to face her, she wasn’t surprised by any of the rapidly shifting emotions she saw in his eyes. She knew what he needed and didn’t feel even the slightest bit of guilt at the massive amount of physical pleasure she got from giving it to him. As they fucked desperately, like they were the last two people on the planet who were ever going to have sex, she was startled at how bottomless her desire for him was. She felt like she could never get enough of him, and she tried to get closer to him in any way possible.

She wanted to fill every crevice, cover every inch of herself with him. Some corner of her mind realized this was probably because she knew he wasn’t completely present mentally. She knew what she really craved was to be completely on the same page with him, for him to share what was going on in his head and for them to finally open up about their feelings. But until that could happen, she would take him in any way she could have him.

She got out of bed first and reached down to him. “Let’s take a shower before we check our phones.” He let her pull him out of the bed and they padded over to the bathroom. They took a quick shower together but spent most of their time just holding one another and letting the hot water pour over them. Since they first became intimate just a couple of days ago, they had said relatively few words to one another. She understood that this was because of how much talking they both had to do with the rest of the world. She also knew they had spoken their own special silent language for the last decade or so. But she also knew Josh had a pathological avoidance thing and it was just easier for him this way.

She was willing to do what she could to make his life easier right now. He had plucked Matt Santos out of relative obscurity and almost single-handedly made him President of the United States of America. Donna wasn’t delusional, she knew how deserving the President-Elect was, how important he was going to be for the country. She knew how hard Ronna, Bram, Lou, Otto, Edie, Lance, she, and all the others had worked also, but that didn’t change the fact that without Josh Lyman, Matthew Santos would not be the next President. The man had worked extremely hard, 18-20-hour days, every day, for the last 14 months. His diligence guaranteed 4 and maybe 8 more years of Democratic rule which would help get more healthcare and better education for all Americans. She knew the country was better off because of what Josh did, and for that, she would cut him some slack.

He had also lost his second father in the last 12 hours. Leo was being mourned by the entire world and she herself was deeply saddened by his loss. But the truth was that besides Leo’s daughter Mallory and Jed Bartlet, no one was hurting as badly as Josh over his death. Josh had known Leo since birth, when Noah Lyman and Leo were partners at the same law firm. Leo had become a type of godfather to Josh, although the Lymans were Jewish and didn’t formalize the relationship. Leo had been there for Josh when his sister Joanie died in the fire and many decades later, when Noah passed from cancer. Leo gave Josh his DCOS job and encouraged, taught, and mentored him every step of the way. Losing Leo was a devastating blow for Josh, and because of that, she would do what she could to make his life easier.

Donna also knew that for the last nine years, she had yearned silently for him. She swallowed her love, her pride, and countless words defending herself in service of him. She always knew what he was thinking, even, nay _especially_ , when he wasn’t sure what he was thinking. But she was older now and while her love for him hadn’t changed, her love for herself had. She knew she deserved more, deserved better than what he gave her. She would be there for Josh, especially now, but she would also start demanding more from him, when the time was right.

As of right now, that did not extend to their physical relationship. They had sex four times in the last two days and each time was desperate and hot and the culmination of years of lust. She knew that what they had been doing was full-on fucking and she was perfectly fine with that. She wanted Josh to fuck her and it seemed like she would never be able to get enough. They were grown adults in their 30s and 40s and had known, loved, and trusted one another for a decade. While the emotional and logistical aspects of their relationship deserved attention, right now she was content with letting the physical aspect dominate.

After their shower, they both quickly got dressed and immediately got to work. They had 30-40 missed calls a piece and thousands of unread emails that had come in since the results had been announced. Josh dialed the President-Elect right away, giving her an apologetic glance on his way out of the door. She phoned CJ and then Lou and filled a yellow legal pad with notes on how to conduct the next 48 hours.


	3. Chapter 3

**11/7/2006, 2:00 p.m.**   
**Washington D.C.**

The funeral service had been deeply moving, but he was barely there for it. He was aware of Donna wherever she was, but he avoided talking to her. Since they had parted ways in the hotel room the morning before, he felt disconnected from her and everything else, to be honest. He knew he was being irrational, but he was worried that getting a late start the day before had affected his relationship with the President-Elect. By the time they met back up in Washington D.C. that morning, Santos was clearly relying on Barry Goodwin to head the transition instead of Josh.

Josh was feeling vulnerable and hurt, he couldn’t understand why the President-Elect would be asking Goodwin to lead the transition when Josh had basically forced him run for president, was manager of the winning longshot campaign, and was going to be Chief of Staff. He knew it wasn’t fair to blame Donna, but he had spent two nights with her and was already at risk of losing his footing in the new administration. While no one actually gave him shit for sleeping in or told him he wasn’t there when they needed him, he couldn’t help but feel that he had slacked off, somehow dropped the ball.

Donna didn’t deserve the blame for anything. Truth be told, he probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for her. He didn’t trust himself in his current state to treat her the way he wanted to, so rather than disappoint her in an interaction, he actively avoided her. He wanted to have a work-life balance; he wanted to achieve self-actualization. Many hours of discussion with Stanley had led him to understand that in order to self-actualize, he needed to have a fuller personal life and learn to separate work from the rest of it. Stanley had goaded him into admitting he wanted a family of his own someday. They both knew Josh meant only if it was with Donna.

Josh knew all this in theory, but he couldn’t admit it to himself, let alone her. Stanley had also forced Josh to think about when this theoretical family might happen. _“Well you’re 40 Josh, when do you anticipate this ‘family’ of yours coming to fruition?”… “So, Josh, Donna and I had a nice chat while you were in your meeting, she tells me you’re seeing someone. Have you been giving more thought to a life outside of work?”… “Donna told me that you and Amy broke up, I’m just wondering why you didn’t tell me yourself. Does that mean you might be seriously thinking about your future?”… “Donna sounded kind of distant on the phone today, are you guys okay?”… “What do you mean she left you Josh? I didn’t think you were capable of functioning without Donna, how could you let this happen?”… “Well Josh, sometimes growing can be painful. Do you think it could be a good thing?”_

At the time, these types of questions from Stanley would infuriate him and he would hang up right away. Inevitably, he would spend that night tossing and turning and thinking about what Stanly had asked. He knew the answers, so why was it so hard to tell Donna? Oh right, the pathological avoidance thing.

Only when Amy pulled him into a side room during the wake, did he realize what an idiot he was being. As he sparred with his ex-girlfriend, he couldn’t help but compare it to the easy banter he had with Donna. Amy often approached him as a direct adversary while Donna saw him as an ally. Amy was a striking beauty but as she argued with him in her purring voice, he only noticed how shrewd and cunning her dark eyes were. It made him long for the genuinely earnest cornflower blue gaze of his Donnatella. He needed to go find her…

**********************************************************************************************************************************

**11/7/2006, 5:00 p.m.**   
**Washington D.C.**

When Josh never reached out to her after they parted ways in the hotel room, she determined it was because he needed space. Stephanie from Treasury was subleasing her apartment, which would have been a perfect excuse for them to shack up in DC but because their… whatever it was… was so new and he was in such a frazzled and fragile state, she didn’t want to push him and cause him to sabotage their happiness.

That’s why she arranged to stay with CJ in advance. Internally, the plans with CJ were tentative because she was hoping Josh would come to his senses and ask her to stay with him. But once Donna saw him go into that side room with Amy, those plans went from tentative to definitive. There was no way in hell she was going to sleep with Josh now, she had pride too!

She wasn’t jealous of Amy anymore; she knew Josh was completely done with her and she had even heard that Amy was dating some hot lumberjack. There was nothing Donna detested more in politics than women tearing down other women, especially when they were technically on the same side. Amy was smart and passionate about causes that Donna cared about also, she was just a political animal in a way that Donna was not. As long as Amy wasn’t sleeping with the love of her life, Donna had no reason to take issue with her… That didn’t stop her from taking issue with Josh though. He was an idiot.

As soon as the door opened, he made a beeline for her. She was amused and annoyed with his inability to come right out and say he wanted her to stay over. She was also slightly annoyed with herself at how horny she instantly got when Josh mentioned “sex in his apartment.” She had stayed over at his apartment many times before, particularly when she was taking care of him after Rosslyn. She had fantasized relentlessly about fucking him on every single available surface each night she spent on his couch. She definitely had no issues with sex in his apartment…

She was frustrated that she had the chance to make some fantasies come to life tonight but couldn’t because she had to teach Josh a lesson. She knew she had ample opportunities to fulfill those fantasies, but a very narrow window to force Josh to reflect on their relationship. This was a sacrifice she had to make for the greater good, they were called growing pains for a reason.


	4. Chapter 4

**11/7/2006, 8:00 p.m.**   
**Washington D.C.**

He was still smarting from her rejection and clearly, Danny Concannon was unhappy as well. CJ and Danny had been suspended in their little love story for as long as he and Donna had been in theirs. Josh couldn’t help but reflect on the absurdity of their situation; four sexually frustrated adults circling around one another, blaming each other for their current predicament. They must all be gluttons for punishment. Truthfully, he desperately wanted Donna to stay over. If he had just called or texted her yesterday, that would be happening. He was really starting to hate this emotionally stunted side of himself…

Once she confirmed he was not going to be having any sex tonight, Josh wandered off in search of the President-Elect. He had years of practice drowning himself in work to avoid thinking about how hopelessly in love he was with Donna and how badly he wanted to bury himself in her forever. One more night was nothing. Plus, he couldn’t get this nagging feeling out of his head that Amy might be onto something in regard to Carol Gelsey. His conversation with Santos did nothing to assuage his earlier concerns about something being off. Based on every single interaction he had recently, he was beginning to think he might be the problem…

Josh thought he was going to lose it when Amy started talking about Sarah Potrero. Amy probably knew exactly what was going with Donna and him (he wished she would tell him because he was more confused than ever). She was probably trying to goad him into admitting it. Well, he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. Although he really hated that Donna was going along with it. He felt slightly guilty that she heard all of that. He felt like he should have just told Amy right then and there that she didn’t need to worry about setting him up because he was in love with Donna and they were together. Instead he had to listen to Donna talk about Sarah Potrero’s body. This was so screwed up.

**********************************************************************************************************************************

**11/8/2006, 12:30 a.m.**   
**Washington D.C.**

There was no better distraction from relationship problems than sharing a bottle of wine with an old girlfriend. Donna hadn’t realized how much she missed CJ until the two of them sat laughing together, reminiscing about old times. She had always felt slightly guilty about how she reacted when CJ was trying to get her to admit her feelings for Josh all those months ago. She had carried this secret about her feelings for so long that she guarded it jealously, even when it was obvious that it was no longer a secret.

Maybe if she had been honest with CJ back then, she and Josh would be further along now. Although, their progress had been far more impeded by his idiocy over the years than her. Donna was happy to put that period of her life behind her. Incremental progress was better than nothing.

They had finished the bottle of wine when her phone, which was face-up on the coffee table, began ringing. Donna and CJ both glanced at it and both saw Josh’s name on the screen. Donna looked at CJ, who was pointedly staring back. Donna pressed a button to silence the phone and mumbled “I’ll call him back” embarrassedly. CJ knew not to ask anything, she remembered how the conversations had gone the last few times. But she just kept looking at Donna, waiting for her to say anything.

For her part, Donna was debating how much to tell CJ. She and Josh hadn’t had _the talk_ , or really talked at all yet. She didn’t want to put the cart before the horse, but she knew she owed her girlfriend some juicy details. Plus, if she spilled the beans about Josh, then CJ would have to spill about Danny.

She cleared her throat and quickly blurted out, “Josh and I slept together.” She blushed furiously at CJs loud and overjoyed reaction.  
“IT’S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME!” CJ shouted as Donna attempted to insist it was no big deal. “Like hell it’s not a big deal! How many times? When?! Was it everything you thought it would be? Are you guys going steady? What now?!”

This is exactly why Donna hadn’t wanted to tell anyone yet. She was embarrassed that she didn’t have the answers to most of CJ’s questions but was able to respond “It happened the first time the night before election day and a handful of times since. And yeah, it’s everything I thought it would be and more. I’ve never had sex quite like this before. But I don’t know what’s going to happen, we haven’t had _the talk_ yet. I’ll keep you posted if you tell me what’s going on with you and Danny!”

Now it was CJs turn to blush as Donna waggled her eyebrows at her. She responded “Oh our Joshua, forever the loveable idiot. Well, my situation with Danny sounds pretty similar to you and Josh to be honest. Although we’ve slept together a few more times and talked a little more. I’m probably the Josh in our relationship, Danny is very clear on what he wants.” This piqued Donna’s interest. “Oh, and what does he want?” she asked.

CJ hesitated but then admitted “He wants to get married and have babies and build a life together so we can retire and spend the rest of our days in the sun together.” Donna was surprised but extremely happy for her friend and said “Wow, that kind of sounds like the dream.”

“Yeah,” CJ sighed, “I had written the prospect of that type of happiness out of my story but now it’s starting to feel like a real possibility. Well, you better get to bed and call Joshua back, gotta get started on your own dream at some point.” She kissed Donna on the cheek and walked towards her bedroom, dialing Danny on her cell as she walked away.

**********************************************************************************************************************************

**11/8/2006, 1:00 a.m.**   
**Washington D.C.**

He supposed it was possible that Donna was asleep. It was probably more likely that she and CJ were yucking it up about him in that very moment. He was profoundly uncomfortable at the thought. Not at the thought of CJ knowing about them but about her knowing what an idiot he had been of late. That’s why he had called Donna, he wanted to show her he was growing. And he just wanted to hear her voice. And smell her shampoo. And feel her skin. And taste her all over…

He was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of putting his hand in his boxers, when she called him back. His voice cracked in his haste to answer. “Hi!”

“Hi Josh, why are you calling me so late?”  
“Do I need a reason?”  
“Well, no. I’m just surprised. It’s not like you’ve called me for no reason before.”  
“Yes, I have. All the time in fact. I just had to come up with excuses because… you know…”  
“Yeah, I know. How are you?”  
“I’m okay. I had an interesting conversation with President Bartlet tonight.”  
“I was hoping you’d get some alone time with him.”  
“Yeah. He said some nice things.”  
“He’s a good man.”

Josh was on the verge of tears, he hadn’t stopped thinking about what the President had said to him about Leo. _He loved you like a son, you know_. The tears threatened to fall so he quickly changed the subject. “I’m going to California tomorrow.”

“To go get Sam?” Donna asked. He loved how well she knew him.  
“Yes. I need him.” Well at least he could admit he needed Sam Seaborn. It was a good start.  
“You better try and get some sleep then, tomorrow is going to be another long day,” Donna said quietly. Her tone made him feel sad and sheepish.  
“Okay Donnatella,” he said softly. “I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”  
“Goodnight Joshua.”

He felt slightly better after talking to her but couldn’t help but reflect on all the things they didn’t say as he drifted into a fitful sleep.


End file.
